Unavoidable

This is one of those posts, the kind I don't like to write, but feel like I must. You know me. I don't like to put a bunch of negative stuff out into the cyber world. There's too much room for misinterpretation and a severe lack of emotion. Furthermore, I'm not the touchy-feely type to go sharing my personal life with the masses. Oh yeah, I might have a blog, but I only share the tiniest bit of what really goes on around here. Unfortunately, what I have to share is something that would have become increasingly more obvious as time went on and I posted more and more pictures and then when I didn't post any, leading you all to come to an uncomfortable realization that you would then be unsure of whether or not to comment on it. Even more unfortunately, there is no way to put a humorous spin on this, as you know I prefer to do to my more negative posts. Hindsight will never make this look better. So here goes.
On Thursday, December 10, Brandon and I went in for my 20 week ultrasound, where they were unable to find the baby's heartbeat. I was admitted to the labor and delivery unit on Friday, December 11, where we would spend the weekend waiting to deliver the baby. On Sunday, December 13, I delivered our baby, most unceremoniously. It was, without a doubt, the most horrible experience of my entire life. There are not words to describe the range of emotions that accompany something like this. We chose not to see the baby, a girl, after the doctor explained to us the condition she was in. It had most likely been a couple of weeks since her passing, the result of an umbilical cord accident, and we weren't very interested in seeing our child that way. We will, instead, have to wait until we can see her again. Which brings me to the one shining ray in all of this, the opportunity to be reunited as a family in the afterlife. I am grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ that make this possible. Knowledge of the Gospel, as well as wonderful friends have been tremendously helpful in allowing us to cope with such tragedy.
We are all doing better, now. Of course, the boys moved on quickly, although I think this is something they will always remember. Physically, I'm doing fine. My recovery lasted maybe three weeks. Emotionally, this is the kind of thing Brandon and I may never get over, just past.
But, please don't feel too sad for us. That's not why I wrote this. We just figured it was bound to come up sooner or later. We're doing well and trying to move on. Here's to happier posts as 2010 marches on.